yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
