Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
