i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
