Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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