porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize