i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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