i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
