So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
