a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize