You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
