he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You smell like a Billy Joel song
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
