I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the day after is always just damage control
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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