Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize