Farmville is her only friend.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
