So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
