I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So many bounce houses so little time
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
