He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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