...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
