i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I feel great
I just peed on a car
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
