none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize