there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
