I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Why is your signature on my underwear?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
