i can't believe i had my finger in that
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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