seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
