anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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