I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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