I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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