This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
