I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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