sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
