She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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