When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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