I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
PANTIES FOUND
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