He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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