Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
