I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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