Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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