I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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