too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
tequila makes me forget i have legs
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
