Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
