You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
