Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
