This is not my ceiling
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize