He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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