I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
