btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
