This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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