Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
