Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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