I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
