They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
