dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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