Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
