So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
