My cat gives me a boner
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
