Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
