It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
