Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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