The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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