there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
