can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
