Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
