I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
